Sectional Healing 4/10: Eat The French Fries

This newsletter moves its body like a cannonball.


When all is said and done, this pandemic-situation will have irrevocably broken a great many things.

1) Celebrities singing to us on social media

2) Our healthcare system

3) The illusion that most politicians are little more than disaster capitalists / sentient Kraft Singles American Cheese slices.

4) Carole Baskin

5) Sports.

6) Exotic and elaborate flesh-on-flesh handshakes.

But most of all, I hope it breaks the monopoly of expectation about what you should eat at the various times during the day.

Because life right now is undefined, indeterminate, and more like an unsliced pizza than anything resembling normality, it’s making me reconsider (reggae horn) all the mores and accepted practices of traditionally time-slotted food eating.

In other words, lets slice up this damn pizza however we want.

EXAMPLE: A few mornings ago, I watched my lovely wife of 15 years make a plate of french fries for breakfast. Having never before seen this, I must have cut my eyes (hand to god I don’t know what this phrase means or if I’m using it right but yolo) or furrowed my brow or tilted my head to the right like a curious dog because she looked at me and said. “Whatever. I DO WHAT I WANT.”

And she did because she ate the fries. But the question remains, was she wrong to eat french fries for breakfast?

Wrong implies an absolute ethical standard which does not really exist here. So the question then becomes, was it acceptable for her to eat the fries, which to me, is a much more fascinating question especially right now.

The idea at play here is that fries are compartmentalized into a section of the food pyramid relegated to unhealthy / comfort foods and almost exclusively existing as deliciously salty companions to lunch or dinner meals. And because this is the accepted and established societal expectation around french fries, any other utility of them is looked upon as incorrect.

IMAGINE IF YOU DARE, rolling into a 8am Monday meeting with a giant box of curly fries to go with your coffee. More than likely, everyone would look at you strange and your boss would immediately schedule a drug test. I’m sorry, but he would. If I was your boss, I would, not to fire you but just because I would be wanting to verify the initial assumption that you were on drugs because only someone who is on drugs brings a large box of curly fries to an early work meeting.

OR CONSIDER THIS, inviting your partner over for a meal in which you intended to propose to them and the meal you prepared in celebration was just a giant plate of cheese fries. The retelling of this story would be imbued with a greasy strangeness because who makes a romantic meal of Cheese Fries?

All of this is important and contextualized by the larger purpose of the aforementioned food pyramid: balance. The entirety of the food pyramid is predicated on balance. More vegetables, fruits, and proteins. Less sugar, sweets, and salty treats. (I didn’t even mean to rhyme that but never look a rhyme gifthorse in the mouth, just ride it.)

To extend this conversation into a truly stoner headspace, even the food pyramid is less a standalone altar to balance as much as it is a reflecting pool of our cultural pursuit of generalized balance.

What I mean by that is we encourage balance in our diets, our exercise, our work, our friends etc etc. To this point, it’s not insane to hypothesize that the subconscious undergirding of Western Society is about a broadly applicable idea of pursuing balance. Comfort food, luxury items, social media projects etc etc etc. You can draw a pretty short line from all these things and more as a kind of remedy to some kind of other imbalance.

All that to say, fries for breakfast is typically seen as an abomination. BUT THESE ARE ATYPICAL TIMES.

My new daily nutritional routine involves eating a protein bar for breakfast, drinking a lot of lacroix and Topo Chico, eating some olives and then I graze on some jelly beans and cheezits for dinner.

I don’t set out to eat these foods. I did not plot this on a vision board and am now executing some kind of bizarre palate plan. But all it takes is a global pandemic to make you realize how frivolous the accepted institutional constructs are.

Do I understand the wisdom of egg whites, turkey bacon, and grapefruit juice with a splash of apple cider vinegar for breakfast each morning? Yes of course I do.

But abiding by that kind of nutritional balance has a weird kind of fraudulence associated to it now, doesn’t it? As if it is somehow complicit in the larger fairytale of normalcy. And speaking from immediate experience, when the bloom is off the normalcy rose, it’s not just that we have the opportunity to indulge and stray from convention; it almost feels like an obligation.

So just eat the french fries and eat them whenever you want. Right now, it’s basically your duty.



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